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I bought a pen! And other navel-gazing thoughts

It’s this one, and I couldn’t wait to order it.

If you don’t want to click through, but care, here are the specs:

Make: Sailor

Model: Pro Gear Slim Purple Cosmos

Nib: Zoom, basically the adult version of a gel pen

I couldn’t wait. Right now, everything in the house is a mess. We’ve packed some of the house. Not all of it. And what’s not packed is seemingly on every surface. Which, as you can imagine, is stressful.

We keep telling ourselves that this is the last time we’re doing this. But we both know that we’ve said that before. But this time we mean it. But last time we meant it, and the time before that we meant it. I probably never thought an 850 square-foot condo was my forever home, even at the time.

My family was here over the weekend, things have been crazy hectic wrapping up at work, and I found this gorgeous pen, that, really felt magical.

Plus, not to justify it, because the price is RIDICULOUS for a pen, I get it, people give pens away for free literally everywhere, but this pen is $250, not $520, and I am heading to a writer’s retreat for women as soon as we move. So I bought it. Yes, there are things all over my house. No, I do not need to add things to the mix when we’re going to Goodwill every day.

But I did it, and instead of feeling guilty, I am simply very excited to get it.

It should be here before we move, but that doesn’t stop me from checking its status like I used to check Google analytics (aka: hourly, or whenever I think about it).

It’s crazy to buy something like this at such a time in my life.

But also, somehow, this whirlwind is exhilarating (yet another word I don’t know how to spell, holy cow).

I’m feeling creative, and inspired, and as if I’ve been given a … well, a metaphoric new notebook and a pen.

It’s up to me to continue writing the story.

Or start the story.

Right, because you start the story when you open the metaphoric notebook. Which, I’ll admit, I also bought a new notebook.

It’s the most frivolous purchase I’ve made since I started actually paying attention to money.

While we’re on the subject of frivolity, I’m wondering if this “write a post every day” idea is akin to writing 25 titles for a blog post, or any other creative brainstorming activity. Where the first few (or half?) are terrible, then you find your groove, then things get weird, then … I don’t know, rainbows come out of your tying hands?

In the writing class I’m taking, we change themes every week, and the first week started with first person narrative. I wonder if I’ll ever get out of that. Or if this space is going to continue to be “dear diary” garbage that is really only interesting if your life is interesting, and I’m not so delusional that I think that life as a family of three (plus a Stanley) moving from cool Portland to hot Phoenix is ever going to be interesting to anyone other than my closest friends and family (looking at you, sis!).

But I committed to doing it, and I’m certain that I will look back on this period fondly because without a challenge like this, I wouldn’t be writing anything at all.

So for now, it’s “today I did a something,” and it’s boring. I’m not even making Brent read this stuff right now!

But maybe this is the necessary garbage that needs to come out.

Maybe this is the warm up.

The stretch.

We’ll see.

🙂

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